Sarah feels awful dropping off her daughter every morning. The child’s only eight months old, but what can Sarah do? She’s in a trap. She works, but most of her cash goes on childcare.
She spends €925 a month on the Ladybug creche. That’s €11,100 a year. It’s more expensive because little Savannah is under 18 months. Next year, it will come down to €850 a month, but with four-year-old Troy’s after-school care at €500 a month, it’s practically not worth her time working.
She’s caught in the two-income trap. Sarah’s dilemma is a reality for thousands of young working mothers. According to a new report by Fas and the ESRI, women will overtake men working in business, finance and the law in five years. (www.esri.ie).
If you’d like to see the human face of this report, go to the gates of a creche in any suburb from the first week of September. There, you will see some of the thousands of young working Irish mothers, caught in the limbo-land between trying to forge a good career and trying to be a good mother.
If the ESRI and Fa¤ s are right about the advancement of women into the professions, we are either going to have fewer children or we’ll need an influx of poor, women immigrants to look after our kids.
The average Irish middle-class mother – from an apparently strong double-income household – is trapped, and inadequate childcare is the main source of incarceration.
This dilemma has been evident in the US for a number of years but is only now becoming a normality here. It is documented in a US book called The Two-Income Trap by Elizabeth Warren and Amelia Warren Tyagi.
According to the authors, double-income middle-class families in the US are flirting with bankruptcy at an alarming rate. They are getting into debt and financial difficulty considerably easier and earlier than single-income families did in the 1970s.
Warren contends that the double-income family, with mothers going out to work, is the reason that costs have gone up to such an extent. Warren contends that, financially at least, they would be better off if the mother stayed at home.
However, as a working mother herself, she is the first to point out the equality dilemma, which is that society has educated thousands of women who want more out of life than to slip back quietly into the kitchen as soon as the children arrive.
This is the dilemma facing hundreds of thousands of middle-class Irishwomen, as they grapple with the delusions of the equality dream. They were told they could have it all: great careers, great marriages, great sex, great children and that they would look beautiful at 35, cellulite-free, angst-free, sugar-free.
They could feel fit and still be able to flirt with other men. They could be sexy yet secure, achieving yet loving, independent yet communal. They would effortlessly juggle the spin cycle with the business cycle.
But it didn’t work out like that. Today, 44 per cent of Irish women between 25 and 34 have university degrees. We have the highest proportion of highly educated young women in Europe and, as the average mother is having her first child at 30 years of age, we have the highest proportion of young mothers facing the same dilemma: should I stay at work and juggle children and a career or should I turn my back on everything that I believe in and throw in the towel?
In our rush to move from a traditional to a modern society, where women can achieve their full potential, we forgot to ask the basic question: if all the mothers are now going to work, who’s going to replace mum? Who is going to stay at home, run the house, look after the children and make the whole place tick? This is hard work and someone needs to do it.
In the Ireland of the past, when professional urban women started going out to work, poorer younger women, typically with lower education and career expectations, came up to Dublin to look after the children. This is not happening any more.
So where are Ireland’s new professional and ambitious mothers to get childcare? In other countries that encourage women to go out and work, the state builds, organises and runs a country-wide, childcare system.
In Ireland, this is not happening and without a decent subsidised system, it costs more to send an infant of struggling parents in the new suburbs to full-time child care than it costs to send a wealthy teenager to one of our top ten elite schools.
In the US, they solve this childcare dilemma by importing millions of poor women from Latin America who look after the children of working women. For this system to work, there has to be a significant and permanent income gap between the minder and the mother.
This means that the childminder needs to live in a completely different society within the society. In the minder’s parallel society, costs have to be lower, conditions worse and the minder’s aspirations for herself and her own children have to be permanently diminished.
The US solution is one approach we can take. In its essence, this approach resigns itself to the fact that for one set of women liberated, another set of women have to be kept down. This might be unpalatable for many Irish people.
The other alternative is the European approach of a massively expanded public creche programme, exactly like the national school building project. We’ve done it before, we can do it again, but it involves planning and higher taxes.
If we try to muddle along – as we are doing now – the cost will be borne by young working families who are caught in the two-income trap.
We will be left with the bizarre situation where thousands of working mothers are liberated by the possibilities of their careers but incarcerated by the realities of their young family. This hardly makes sense.
There is no such thing as an equal society. If people have to pay for the child care through higer taxes then what about the single people. You will have people who do not want to have a family but are all of a sudden subsiding other peoples children through higher tax. I always have a good laugh when people talk about an equal society, this is fiction and cannot happen. When you bring out laws to make a supposedly class of people equal then you end up making another class of people unequal. In the UK alot of women… Read more »
Hi All A million years of evolution and the need to procreate cannot be ‘phased out’ by an equality law; nor should the social needs of a species be squeezed into an economic model to keep the feminists or ISME happy. This, in my opinion, is the crux of the issue; people want to have thier cake and eat it. We are hard wired to deal with specific stresses mostly physical and psycholigical stresses associated with more frugal living. Our make up, be it male or female is suited to particular stresses; our ‘software’ is no longer capable of dealing… Read more »
I agree with the last two postings, people can’t have it both ways. You have to prioritise there are only so many hours in the day, having a full time demanding job means that you cannot give children the the time they need, children are also very demanding of time, therefore something has to give, either you cannot commit to the child or you cannot commit to your job. Babies require almost full time care from an adult, therefore if you are going to have a creche do this you have to factor in that this the cost of one… Read more »
Just a side note:
I’ve got friends in San Francisco who have been using imported nannies for years. In the last couple of years the nannies started coming from latin america. Before then they were all Eastern European, Polish etc.
I asked why the change and he said it was because everyone in Europe is now going to Ireland as it pays better than the US!!!
Madness.
Are these the same high powered , high achieving , highly qualified, career women who are working to earn money so that they can wait outside Brown Thomas for hours in the hope of buying a ‘limited edition’
plastic bag?
Hi David,
Yet again you are spot on.
However, for the second approach, we are not even able to provide proper primary schools for our children, so how do you think the current Government and administration will be able to pull off a state of the art European style creche system?
To Tom’s comment I would suggest they are probably rich exec’s wives rather than working mums. It is now only the wealthy and the poor mums who work in the home.
The point that stands out is that the creche costs more than the private school. The private school of course is being provided at a fraction of cost – because the state effectively subsidises it. The same is true in third level education. One study after another shows that the vast bulk of students in say UCD or Trinity are from middle or upper middle class backgrounds. Yet their learning is heavily funded from general taxation from a broader base. But I digress: the kernel of David’s argument is that we ought to decide whether the American route or the… Read more »
can we please stop this west british “mum” nonsense.
David, it is great to find you writing again! You are one of the few analysts that is worth the time to read today. I am amazed at how many issues in Ireland are similar to the issues here in the State of Wisconsin, USA. I teach university courses; I plan to refer my students to your insights. You stimulate thinking, and that is my job too. I am busy catching up with your recent essys; I thank you for them.
Hi, There’s no easy solution to this one. Go too far to the left and taxes shoot upwards. Go too far to the right and creche costs will soar. The Government can only influence any given set of problems through it’s application/abolition or adjustment of taxation. I’ve long believed the Irish Gov take way too much off of us anyway but, to refer to an earlier point about people who go to 3rd level, what about re-introducing some relatively low fees for college and diverting that money straight to childcare? College students might not agree but at least it would… Read more »
Its costs me and the missus just 480 a month for a creche place here in Madrid but thats only the half of it. City Hall then give us back half of this money, direct to our bank account at the end of every month.
It seems that they want to encourage young families to live in the city centre where there already are schools, hospitals, transport etc. Previously, the price of land acquisition to put new infrastructure the suburbs was killing them.
There’s an easy solution to this! Tell your sisters and your female friends to become primary school teachers rather than morketing executives! Four months holidays and you can bring your kids to work. No one is impressed by a job in morketing except other morketing types.
A regular theme with your articles David (which I enjoy reading immensely) is the “Berlin or Boston” question. Should we go private or should we tax and go public? The answer in Bertieland as usual is to muddle along somewhere in the grey middle, trying to keep all of the people happy all of the time and failing miserably. Still, he manages to hold on to power somehow so perhaps he is keeping most of the people happy most of the time. I am not necessarily coming down in favour of the private system but lets face it, you simply… Read more »
I usually look forward to reading your articles David as I believe that you think outside the box. This time however I believe you are firmly within that box. You are referring to the the the fact that there will be more highly educated and professional women than men in the very near future and in the same breath you ask the question who will look after “their” children! My source of annoyance is not that you are highlighting a very real issue, the lack of planning for our future in Ireland is frustrating to say the least, but what… Read more »
I don’t think anyone is suggesting that Fathers are not equally important to their children.
But I do think that any enduring solution that works in most situations surely must consider that men and woman are different.
These differences manifest in many ways including the way parents interact with their children and the way children need different things from mothers and fathers.
This runs counter to politically correct and feminist ideals but I would imagine this reality needs to be addressed intelligently for successful social policy.
Ref: “Taking Sex Differences Seriously”
http://www.faculty.virginia.edu/sexdifferences/
Quote: Those who do not have children, including myself, should also think a little outside the box as the children are the future workers of the country. They will pay for your pension and will be paying taxes when you have stopped. No single people pay for their state pensions through the taxes they pay through their lifetime, your argument is spurious. As for mothers/fathers being equally good at rearing children i disagree. I know vast majority of my male friedns were delighted to have their mammy rare them in their early years. I havent read any studies but instinctively… Read more »
Someone pointed out that very rich or very poor mothers can choose to work in the home, other mothers have to work to support a family. I chose not to have children for this reason. Men have called me a gold digger because I made it clear that if I had children, they would have to be looked after full time at home by either parent for the first few years of their lives. My philosphy is that time spent with family is more important to children than things given to them by family, but very few people in Ireland… Read more »
Here’s how Sarah Hrdy (a feminist and evolutionary anthropologist) sees the early bond: quote: “What makes a mother maternal is that she is (invariably) at the scene, hormonally primed, sensitive to infant signals, and related to the baby. These factors lower her threshold for giving of herself to satisfy the infant’s needs. Once her milk comes in, the mothers’ urge to nurture grows stronger still” Of course, in addition to this scientific description most of us know that our mammys loved us as well ;-) Research from Canada suggests that children who spend long hours in day care have higher… Read more »
Really enjoyed this article thanks David.
John – it wasn’t a plastic bag it was ‘not a plastic bag’.
Good article, Steve. A former colleague opened a creche a few years ago. In the early 1990s she worked US creche, then came back to Ireland and took a temping job in the same company where I worked. She was useless but covered up her incompetence with lies and never got caught. She was the best liar I have ever met. I pity anybody who has children in her creche.
I agree with Cliona from Sweden – treating this as a problem for women is just not right. Fathers can give up work too – I did it 2 years ago to look after our 4th son and be at home for the other 3 when they come home from school.
It is assumed by most people in Ireland that the mother is the one with the decision to make about working or not – but it does not have to be the woman who stays at home.
Hi Joe, I agree with you but it must be borne in mind that the parent with the lower wage should stay at home and look after the children. It would be stupid for the parent with the higher wage to give up the job to stay at home. In todays society the parent with the highest wage is normally the father. I do not like it myself and I would prefer wages to be the same across all sexs, In my book people are people and I don’t care if they are male or female as long as they… Read more »
@Sarah & Joe: Wow, thanks for letting us know that fathers can also look after children. Thats a real eye-opener for me and I am sure everyone else in Ireland. No matter how much equality we have, women have the more maternal DNA (ergo mother). Until we reach the utopia of equality whereby millions of years of genetic coding is resequenced so the maternal instincts are spread equally, women will always feel torn between their children and their careers. Thats what David is talking about, and how stark the choices are. He isn’t saying that whoever popped the sprog should… Read more »
I have friends who will often tell me that Dad ‘had to’ mind the kids
for the weekend but she is happy to report that they are still alive. As well at that
they were dressed (not the right clothes but whew at least he dressed them),
fed (often get to hear what they got for dinner) and washed (teeth too).
Interesting article. One suprising number I have found is that the TFR (Total Fertility Rate) of the typical Irish Women and her cohorts is less than the replacement rate (~2.1). In recent years Ireland’s fertility rate has been one of the quickest falling in the world. On another point – I don’t like the idea of living in a 2-tier society where immigrants are second class citizens. That goes against my own sense of justice. The problem of creche facilities, working mothers and the strain on working families is nothing new and Ireland can learn from other countries that have… Read more »
How it works in Sweden is that the parents have 18 months parental leave to divide between both the mother and the father. Usually the mother will take the first 9 months or a year and then the father will then take his parental leave of between 6 and 9 months. The child therefore has a primary carer for the first year and a half of their lives. After that the child goes to the creche. My point is that because both parental roles are equally valued the society has adapted and Sweden is therefore very family friendly for both… Read more »
The most important years of a childs development is the first four years of its life. Also as a personal choice I would not leave my child in a creche fore some stranger to rear my child up.
Beautfan,
Thanks for the corection. I thought it was some sort of biodegradable bag. Still makes you wonder how the women who spend so much time studying , having great jobs , breaking glass ceilings etc are still dazzled by a carrier bag.
It’s fantastic all the men writing in here about how women can’t have it both ways and they just need to realise that children need full-time care and if they can’t provide that then they should just not have a family – when Cliona points out however that men have a role in parenting too and yet they’re somehow allowed to have it both ways, they instantly come up with the old chestnut “oh but all that childcare stuff comes naturally to women, they’re just better at it, you know”. Yeah, good one, lads. Well, speaking as a married woman… Read more »
David says “If the ESRI and Fas are right about the advancement of women into the professions, we are either going to have fewer children or we’ll need an influx of poor, women immigrants to look after our kids.” What about a third option – fathers taking a bigger role in looking after their children? As a “stay at home” dad of 4 children I know how rewarding it can be – and how boring it can also be at times. Maybe it is easier for women – but it doesn’t mean men shouldn’t give it a try. Employers and… Read more »
MB, some sons and daughters still care for elderly parents at home. Most of them try to fit it in around their work because a household doesn’t run on fresh air. Caring for elderly parents is more demanding than any paid employment, no matter how highly powered, so these people are to be commended.
Where are your recent articles, David?
thanks
Bertie
The only thing we are breeding in this country at the moment
is mediocrity. I can already see in Dublin 10 the next generation that will
be the future clients of our Social Welfare and prison systems: obese hyperactive
feral children. There is no early intervention to put an end to this self
perpetuating cycle. This is the generation that will be working to pay our pensions.
I think not.
I’ve read this article and the comments with great interest. I myself am a mother of two children, now aged 17 and 11. When our eldest child was 5 (12 years ago) we were working full time, paying a childminder, going out early in the morning and coming home late at night. By the time we got home, it was time for our son to go to bed and the amount of time we had with him growing up was mainly at the weekends. The childminder knew more about his development than we did. Like others who have posted comments,… Read more »
The concern I would have as a woman (which is somewhat academic, I earn twice what my husband does, so he would be the stay-at-home if it came to that) is what happens when the kids are older if I give up work. I have a couple of neighbours who feel completely purposeless and down now that their young teenagers don’t need or want them around 24 hours a day, and are finding it enormously tough to find full-time or that holy grail of part-time work with nothing on their resume for the last ten-plus years. If any of those… Read more »
At the root of this mother’s dilemma are some inescapable facts. 1) She did very little financial planning for the education of her little darling. Chances are the man in her life did absolutely none. Because financial planning requires sacrifice, and Irish people are above ‘doing without’. 2) Men are sliding down the educational ladder, thanks to less male teachers in schools, less practical subjects, and an overwhelming emphasis in our culture on ego pursuits for the young male. Classic example is the growth of rugby. In ten years time men will be about as useful in the professions as… Read more »
Hysteria over how children will turn out aside I believe one of the most far reaching and frightening aspects of our reliance on childcare will be the weakening of family bonds. In Sweden (so often quoted as the utopia of family life) there is a major problem with care of the elderly. The state takes care of you from 12 months to the grave. If you have not had full time care from your parents as a child why would you even consider caring for ageing parents? I have family in Sweden and they and their friends regularly express their… Read more »
I’d like to back up the points made by other posters that parenting is as much a father’s job as a mother’s. In our family, both my husband and myself cut back our hours (and consequently our career prospects) so that we could both look after our children more easily. We are both on four day weeks, and we pay a childminder (fairly and generously) to look after them on the remaining three. This is working out really well for us – we’re obviously fortunate in that we can afford it and have employers that facilitated it. We don’t live… Read more »
Interesting article and comments – initially had our 10month child in a part time creche (dublin) – state subsidised – he was bullied by older children amongst other things. Cost to us: 400-500 EU/month – now in a very good (only option full-time) Creche – cost: over 1000EU/month !! – child happy and learning much, but parents not looking forward to future costs of living and bringing up a family in Ireland …. starting to think about emigrating ! … the nexy desporia – will be jugglers who’ve had enough. For all the supposed wealth and improvement in Ireland –… Read more »
Quality of life issues are what will make or break Ireland in the future as more people make the decision to leave because of child-care and other pressures. In my work-place I’m sick to death carrying the can when the women go on maternity leave. I know the employer is supposed to provide replacements but our workplace is so demanding,(shift work, on your feet all day etc… ) that most pregnant women get out early on doctors advice well before the statutory leave happens and stay out for longer after the baby is born. Such leave is not covered by… Read more »
We as a society ought to recognise the job of parenting give it status and a salary, not for the full 24/7 care of children but for the so called “working day” ie 7 am to 7 pm. The reason that so many women today do not want to stay at home and rear their children is because they are stigmatised as “not working”. Rearing children is usually a good 20 years of a parents life and when there is no status for this 20 years the parent in question loses out on social welfare contributions, and pension rights, this… Read more »